When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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