dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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