your thong is hanging out like whoa
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
