I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
