went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
