Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
whose parrot is this?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
