New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
