Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
