I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
