god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
