This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
