There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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