Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
