I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
