Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
you never un-have a 4some
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
