dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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