I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
