girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
