Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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