Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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