I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
