i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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