yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You dont lie about slip and slides
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
