Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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