We're like a lot better than the average bears
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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