I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
