The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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