I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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