I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
