I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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