don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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