So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
