There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
