i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
