guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
