What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
