I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
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