Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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