Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
