I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
