The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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