We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
