I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
