This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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