yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
