how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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