Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
