You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
