my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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