I hate all girls vehemently.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
