I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
