You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
